Page 18 - ISABS Here and Now
P. 18
“If you don`t understand my silence, you how to deal with it. At that point, with our silence generates feelings of rejection and
won't understand my words.” limited understanding of processes, the negative emotion. There may be internal
belief was that every situation has a restlessness, manifested externally
Anonymous ready-made solution or intervention, through gestures and actions. The silence
which we can loftily refer to. is usually broken by the one most
Silence – how often have we encountered uncomfortable or restless with the
silence in our groups? The seconds It was only when I actually started co- silence. It may be accompanied by small
stretch to minutes…the minutes seem like facilitation that clarity emerged. There are talk and overt or surreptitious glances at
hours! We start getting restless. “Will no “ready-made” mantras, no sure-shot the facilitators.
someone please break this silence?”, we interventions that will work. No magic
silently scream. The million dollar wand which, when waved, will create As a facilitator, I sometimes feel paralysed
question is : “Who? And when?” learning. Most importantly, it taught me by these silences. The dilemma is – should
Sometimes I wonder, “How long is silence to understand silence.In my various labs I break the silence and therefore, break
acceptable in a group?” “When do we subsequently, I have been able to make the natural flow? Or should I let the
intervene?” How many times we have peace with silence and identify its various silence run its natural course? If I break
agonized over these questions. facets. From my personal experience, I the silence, I may be intercepting a
have tried to classify silence as I process which may get suppressed as
Silence has the capability of making all of understand it. members who are more articulate will
us – participants and facilitators alike – hijack the group and give the quieter ones
“uncomfortable”, to say the least. I still Uncomfortable silence – Usually observed a reprieve from their struggle. This
remember my PDP journey. We were so at the beginning of the small group. paralysis generates a powerlessness in
eager to have all the answers, we packed Members are strangers to each other and me. To break or not to break – that is the
it with conceptual sessions. In one of the unsure of what is expected of them. question!
sessions with Tom, we wanted to know Depending on the level of patience, it may
about silence – silence in the group and be associated with anxiety as members In one of my earliest experiences of
struggle to break the silence. facilitation, a participant was extremely
Uncomfortable silences tend to “elicit uncomfortable with the silences and
primal fears, activating anxiety-provoking would say something every time there
feelings of incompatibility and exclusion.” was one.
(Tom Jacobs, Miller-McCune). This kind of
18
